National Guard: (Insert Joke Here)

Our military is a strong and proud body. Our country's finest men and women serve in a military that is superior to any in the world. The military branches though are just like sports teams: everyone has a favorite. Either you're in that branch, you know someone in that branch, you've heard stories through the grapevine about a particular branch, your favorite movie/book is about a certain branch...the list goes on as to why someone thinks the Navy is better than the Marines, etc. While the National Guard isn't a branch per se, it is a component of the military and one that doesn't seem to have many fans in the stands.

Stonewall will be the first to tell you that when he was selected for National Guard instead of active duty right out of college, he didn't exactly jump for joy. After all, most of the glory stories, fiction and non-fiction, involve active duty. And I think a great many Americans think active duty is the "real Army," while National Guard is for those who just can't cut it otherwise.

They would be wrong.

The greatest military in the world began with the National Guard. At the time it was called the Militia and was responsible for protecting the colonies. The National Guard is the oldest component of the US military and even pre-dates the founding of the United States of America having celebrated it 370th birthday on December 13, 2006. (And if history isn't you're forte, that would mean it was the National Guard that won us the Revolutionary War, hence the independence of America and brand new country.) You can't have a strong house able to withstand the rains and winds if you don't have a strong foundation. The National Guard is our military's foundation. Our superiority was built on those who protect the homefront.

Its also important to remember that while our Guardsmen stand ready for a national disaster, they also deploy overseas. During WWI, WWII, Korea, Vietnam, Iraq, etc., the National Guard has been called upon to go all over the world. Our entire military is comprised of the best trained soldiers and overseas they all stand and fight side-by-side protecting the same country that all vowed to protect and honor.

As for Stonewall, he was sent to Katrina with his National Guard unit following OBC. He was also hand-picked out of hundreds of soldiers, active-duty included, for a deployment with Special Forces. A honor he probably wouldn't have recieved if he had been active duty and already going overseas with another unit. Now he gets requests from newly commissioned officers to join his NG unit, as well as requests from older enlisted soldiers who want to transfer to his unit because they want to serve under him.

The National Guard will probably continue to be one of the least cheered on "teams" of the military. I can't even think of one hollywood movie that revolves around the National Guard. For those of you out there that smirk and turn your nose up at the National Guard, just remember, that when the "real Army" is deployed (and even when they're not), its the National Guard that's here at home protecting your ass.

SpouseBUZZ

If you don't already know, there is a fantastic site for us military spouses. Its called SpouseBUZZ and I recommend taking a gander at it. I'm a fairly new reader of the site and so far I can't help but read it every day. The site is run and written by other military spouses, wives and husbands, and they are from every military branch, including reserves and guard.

Their blog post topics range from their everyday lives to important military information that every military family should be aware of. The blogs are posted just like any other blog site, day-by-day, but they also list the blog posts by categories, so you can get in-the-know on one particular military topic.

SpouseBUZZ also offers a 24/7/365 chat room and a radio show on Thursdays and Sundays. And once again, the topics range of the everyday life to bigger issues such as TriCare and Legal Issues. It's like having an FRG right in your living room!!

A Pretty (Hot) Package

I'm not going to lie to you, the first time I saw Stonewall in his Army uniform, my knees went weak, my heart started beating faster, and...well, I don't think I need to tell you what happened next. (If you're a military spouse, you know what happens next.)

There has always been a fascination with men (or women, if you're a man) in uniform. If you're a Cosmopolitan magazine reader than you know that 75% of men and 66% of women fantasize about the opposite sex in uniform. I'm sure for different people its different uniforms. I can't deny that I've been known to salivate (just a little) over Tom Cruise and Kevin Bacon in A Few Good Men, Jake Gallenhaal in Jarhead, and ALL the guys in Blackhawk Down.

So when Stonewall first told me he was in the Army, I got all giggly. What can I say, I'm a sucker for a man who puts his life on the line, has a sense of honor very few have and can do it all looking mighty fine in his uniform. Stonewall is a good looking man all on his own. You add the uniform and I'm a puddle. Granted, I never actually saw Stonewall in his uniform until he stepped off the plane when he came home for leave (OK, so maybe the whole "you know what happened next..." part wasn't entirely based on the uniform, but it certainly played a part), but that did not stop my imagination from running.

Now I get to see him in his uniform everyday! Every morning he puts on his uniform and I can't help but kiss him goodbye like he is leaving for a deployment again. I would rip his uniform off right then and there, but that damn belt makes that pretty much impossible. (They did NOT take this kind of thing into account when they designed the belt. Or else they did take it into account and were trying to protect the soldiers from hot-blooded women like myself by creating a military-style chastity belt.)

While I married Stonewall because of who he is inside and the kind of person he is and strives to be, the uniform is certainly a lovely way to package it all up.

Free Education-Money Program

If you're in the military, active-duty or otherwise, one of the best perks just so happens to be college. I highly suggest you look into taking advantage of the government's, what I like to call, "Free Education-Money Program," or more appropriately called the GI Bill.

The GI Bill came into effect in 1944, as a way to help returning WWII soldiers by providing things like education and training, loan guaranty for homes, farms, or businesses, and unemployment pay. When the bill was revamped in 1984 it became known as the Montgomery GI Bill, named after former Mississippi Congressman Gillespie V. "Sonny" Montgomery and continued to provide soldiers with help in the forms of education and VA home loan guaranty.

With regards to education, basically, the government gives you money to pay an institution of higher education for you to enroll in their educational classes. Hence, you become smarter and you will (hopefully) find yourself in a higher paying job once you accept your degree and/or receive your commission. But wait, it can get better (and if you've read carefully, you've probably already discovered the loophole). Let's say the government decides it will cost you $600 a month to go to college. Your tuition bill comes to $1000. Well, if a semester is 3 months long, the government is giving you a total of $1800, leaving you with $800 left over. I would say you've just earned $800 to go to class. Most non-military college students would kill for a deal that good.

Both Stonewall and my brother-in-law are currently taking advantage of this fine offer. If you are serving, have served, or want to serve (that's what ROTC is for), this is one benefit you should seriously consider taking advantage of. Even if you're happily settled in good job, why wouldn't you take some night classes if it can earn you some extra cash?

No, We Don't Have Kids

So it appears that out-of-wedlock births is at an all time high of about 36%. And divorce rates are now coming in at 50% (some of which are from people getting married simply because there's a bun in the oven). I guess these optimistic statistics would explain the very first question Stonewall and I receive whenever we tell someone we're newlyweds, "Oh! Do you have kids?"

Stonewall and I have been married now for 6 months and before that we were together for 16 months. (Yes, there was a deployment in there.) It just so happens that we fell in love in what is becoming more and more conventional, through emails, letters and telephone calls. We did meet before Stonewall left for his first deployment, albeit two weeks before he left, but before he left none-the-less. We got more face time together with his two week leave and before we knew it, with a stroke of luck, he was home again in less than three months. We got engaged less than a month after he returned and started planning for a wedding in 2008. And then the Army came a-knockin' again (because that's what the Army does) and we were told to expect another deployment sometime around the time of our wedding. Our state does not allow for marriage ceremonies by video (and I'm a little old fashioned and wanted my groom to be there), so we pushed the wedding up to the beginning of 2007 and in 5 months exactly we were married. (And I am amazing because in that time I put together the most gorgeous wedding!)

(Some might have said we set ourselves up for failure by moving so quickly, and some might still be saying that. However, some aren't me and some aren't B., so we don't care what some might say.)

The point of this post, during this whirlwind of a relationship, we didn't get pregnant. In fact, from the very beginning we made it quite clear to ourselves kids were about five years down the road. Our relationship is moving quite quickly, there was a deployment (and more to come), and we want time for ourselves before we throw in another person. We haven't had the chance yet to take the vacations we want to take without towing along screaming children. We haven't spent our money stupidly on some outrageous piece of art without a second thought. We have two dogs right now and that's proving to be quite enough responsibility for us at the moment. Throw in the fact that Stonewall is in the Army and we have enough on our plate as a young newlywed couple.

Stonewall and I actually got married because we wanted to marry each other. There was no outside factor. In my opinion, if two people can make it through a deployment with only two weeks of knowing each other prior, there's a pretty good chance they might actually like one another.

I realize that many people our age have set the standard of babies before marriage. Which is fine. That's how they wanted to do things. But how about not assuming that just because we're married and we're young, we must have a kid. It's a little insulting to our integrity and our values to one another. Try a bit more tact, "Oh newlyweds! Congratulations! I bet your excited to start building a family!" Or something along those lines. Give us the chance to tell or not tell you whether or not we have kids. Or better yet how about you just wait until you hear us mention kids before bringing it up. Look on the positive side of things and just pretend that you believe people do get married for love nowadays.

PTSD: Asking for Help

Since the beginning of September, two articles have been published relating to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The first article "Report: Post-traumatic stress symptoms often delayed for years for war veterans", talks about how PTSD can take up to months or even years to become evident in war vets. The second article, "Brain Damage Plagues Thousands of GIs" , discusses brain injuries in soldiers that often go unnoticed.

Keeping in mind that I can only speak from my own experience with PTSD, the Army is not doing enough to help soldiers who suffer from PTSD. When my husband, Stonewall, came home from his deployment, several of his family members thought it would be wise to seek help for PSTD. Stonewall did go to speak with someone and they gave him a pamphlet and sent him on his way. A pamphlet! Because last time I checked that is the best way to diaganose and cure a person. I'm pretty sure I also read that's the new treatment being used for cancer: "Here's a pamphlet! Good luck with that lump in your breast."

Perhaps cancer and PTSD can't be compared, but when untreated PTSD can cause such hatred and anger and control issues in a person that it effects their personal and professional life, as well as in the worst of cases, suicide. I would have to say PTSD is pretty serious.

In the second article, Gen. Peter Pace, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, urged troops watch for signs of PTSD and to seek help if they believe they suffer from PTSD. Gen. Pace also adds that PTSD is just as much of a war injury as what a bullet or shrapnel would cause.

Stonewall is a tough man. And he has a mindset that I think many male soldiers have: I can handle it on my own, because if I can't, I'm a pussy and I'm weak. I have told him dozens of times that its the strong people that can admit they have a problem and need help. And so we are getting help together. I need help too. I've never had to deal with PTSD before. I'm just as new and confused about it as Stonewall is. I have no idea what he is going through in his head. I did not see the things he saw in Iraq and so I don't understand how what seems like a tiny snag can be a huge roadblock for him. I need to be able to understand his new way of thinking, so I can help him heal. So we started going to a marriage counselor, while Stonewall goes to the VA as well. While we are still in the beginning stages of counseling, it is helping both of us.

Returning soldiers and their families should not be afraid of asking for help. Even if the Army isn't handing out the help in a pretty package, go after the help. The resources are there, you just have to look for them and keep using them until you and your soldier feel normal again.

PS (to the Army) Rather than having your soldiers and their families suffer silently because they really don't know where to get help, how about you gift-wrap the help and hand it to them in a pretty package? And when someone does come to you for help, schedule a second appointment rather than hand them a pamphlet. It was probably hard enough for them to admit that one time they had a problem, don't make them have to ask for help twice.

Me Time

Stonewall is in National Guard and he is commander of his company. The National Guard takes a lot of flak, and I will get into that some other time, but I can't find fault with it! I do have to deal with deployments, but not as often, and once a month I get "me time" without having to kick my husband out of the house.

Its the "me time" I most enjoy right now. We're newlyweds and while I do miss my husband when he isn't here, he also drives me nuts when he is here. We're still trying to figure out the best way to live with each other. Do you squeeze the tp tube from the middle or the end? Toilet seat down! I need to cook more often. All those fun things you learn about each other as time goes on. We've also just moved into a new house, and that's been fun (and we're still not unpacked). So, needless to say, my once-a-month-me-time is a welcome return of me! me! me! I get to watch all the tv shows that he bitches about so much I won't even turn them on when he is here. I can eat all the ravioli I want because he isn't here to not like it. And I can read more than one page of my book at night before he starts canoodling for a little lovin'. (That is my favorite part of him coming home though, wink wink.) And through it all, I know that on Sunday night he will walk through our front door, safe and sound.

When a deployment does roll around, I will HATE every lonely cold minute of it. But until then, I'll take my me! me! me! time once a month with a smile.

View My Milblogging.com Profile

Fashionably Late

"To be early is to be on time...To be on time is to be late...And to be late is unacceptable."

An officer is never late, and so by default, an officer's wife is never late. But I'm always late. If I call it fashionably late, is it acceptable?

I was always late before Stonewall and I got married. I think maybe I was supposed to change once we got married, but for 25 years I've been doing things my way (which is to say 10 minutes after everyone else), and while we were engaged I didn't get any better. I'm not sure why after a day of wedding celebrating anyone thought I would suddenly start being on time. And just to prove I wasn't going to change I was late for breakfast with the entire family the day after the wedding. Six months have gone by and I'm still not on time for anything. I can start getting ready an hour before I'm to leave the house or two hours before I'm to leave the house. It makes no difference. I'm still late. Fashionably late, but late none-the-less.